Yet each man kills the thing he loves
by lannistercub
Summary: For each man kills the thing he loves, Yet each man does not die. OSCAR WILDE warning: character death


**Yet each man kills the thing he loves,**

**By each let this be heard.**

If this was death, why did she felt she was soaring, like a phoenix rising from ashes. Freedom, at last. No more pain, no more suffering, no more betrayal, no more responsibility. The relief tasted so sweet in her mouth. Reyna smiled triumphantly, her lips twisting in a strange way. It was not a smile of peace or forgiveness, but a smile more of success and venomous revenge. You see, Reyna was a daughter of Bellona, and even in death she shall march with the glory of victory.

On the battlefield, the giants surrounded her and she was forced to back away from the major force. She swayed her sword, ducked, rolled, got on her feet and swayed once again. The effort made she pant heavily. She was losing it and she was well aware of the fact. At the corner of her eyes, Reyna spotted a brown hair girl wearing a heavy armor fighting beside her. A dagger was thrown in her direction. There was no time to think. Instinctively she moved, launching forward to block the deadly weapon.

As she fell, her visions grew hazy and her sense grew numb. Already, the clashing sound of the sword, the roar of the crowd and all the blood and chaos were a million years away. They were just a buzz in the background and they no longer meant anything.

* * *

_**Some do it with a bitter look, **_  
_**Some with a flattering word, **_  
_**The coward does it with a kiss, **_  
_**The brave man with a sword!**_

Besides him, stood the girl, innocent and naïve without the slightest tint of pollution. She was the purest bud showered in the spring breeze. If only, she thought to herself, if only she was not so perfect. Reyna was many things, but being sweet was not one of them. Life had not only strengthened her body, but also hardened her soul. The sight of them together left a bitter taste in her mouth, like the most deadly venom of all, slowly eroding her heart.

Jason Grace searched for her eyes, almost begging, pleading for forgiveness. The first time in her life, Reyna ran away from something. Involuntarily, she cringed and averted her gaze carefully. She willed herself not to look into his direction again.

Family. Duty. Honor. Reyna reminded herself.

Be composed, be stoic, like a good praetor should be.

What about me? A tiny part of her screamed, what about me?

What about you? Another voice mocked and sneered. You will always be abandoned, doomed, forlorn. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, they chanted in their thousand voices like a vicious prayer.

Although it was the middle of July, Reyna felt like she had been threw into the ice water, cold sweat broke on her forehead. Fear hovered over her body the way sickness lingered around a dying man. No matter what she did, she would not, could not wave the feeling away. Insecurity clutched to her stomach, making her feel so small and insecure: not enough, never enough. She woke up in the middle of night, feeling such despair. She dreamed she was fumbling madly in a dark alley, looking for a way out. But there was no place to hide, everywhere she went, the thoughts of them crept in, threatening to consume, to engulf her.

" A Queen I am, and a queen I shall be." she closed her eyes and muttered to herself, as pious as any believer can be. Only the words rang hollow and dry even in her own ears.

* * *

_**Some kill their love when they are young, **_  
_**And some when they are old.**_

Sometimes, just sometimes, she thought losing Jason was the best experience she ever had. Because in the middle of it all, between the smothering fear and the drowning anxiety, along the tormenting wait and the hollow insecurity, everything in her life had become so intense— even her pain blazed in a carnival of wildness and brightness.

She felt so alive: her blood plumped in her veins; her heat ached furiously. Only Jason made her feel that way. In the middle of nowhere, he rushed into her life, and slowly, he melted her bitterness away, shedding new light on the most trivial things

—only to take it all away.

* * *

_**The kindest use a knife, because **_  
_**The dead so soon grow cold.**_

Her black olive eyes, as dark as obsidian and as deep as night, found the crystal blue ones. Their gaze locked and the rest of world started to melt away. His eyes, as vast as ocean and as grand as sky, made Reyna felt she was staring right into his soul. They dragged her into reality, forcing her once again go back into the cold hard reality of the war. Then did she realize the girl she had saved none other than Piper McLean.

She laughed, out loud, despite the burning pain in her lungs. Venus has played her trick. But as for now, Reyna laid her vicious blessing, a gift so generous that comes with sacrifice, death and remorse.

Slowly, he reached out his hands, touch so gentle and gaze so intense. Jason choked on his words. There were a million things he wanted to say, but the words stumbled in his clumsy throat and he could get none of them out fast enough. So instead, he watched Reyna with burning eyes, drinking every detail of her countenance, imprinting her last moment in his memory. Even laid in the shadow of death, she looked regal, proud and terrifyingly beautiful. Had ever a woman died in a more splendid fashion?

I have won. She thought happily.

* * *

_**Some love too little, some too long**_

They always say that your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time.

His smile. His laugh. His voice.

She remembered how she was when Jason had gone missing: she stood on the pavilion, staring down at the soldiers from different leagues, her white royal cloak flipped in the blowing wind. Her thoughts staggered as her sight lingered around the missing spot beside her.

Never so mighty, yet, never so alone.

It will go away, she tried to convince herself.

It will.

Not this time. Another voice whispered, not this time.

In her heart, she knew it is true: she would never forgive Jason, nor she would ever forget him.

* * *

From now on, I will be always in the shadow, lurking in the darkness, whispering in their ears, haunting them, engulfing them. I am the wall they can never break; I am the curse they shall never utter; I am the barrier they would never cross. I will be their darkest dream, their deepest fear, and their greatest remorse.

**For each man kills the thing he loves, **

**Yet each man does not die. **


End file.
